Its been one long year since I updated this blog.
Lets see, if I can recap?
Well dated a soulless ginger, felt that I really had fair-weather friends in Massachusetts save for a VERY select few. Like I could count on one hand.
Then the great decision to move across the country. Which I wish someone had shaken me and told me no.
Not that I didn’t like the person I thought I was moving in with, and I bet they feel the same about me, but it really hadn’t worked out to my advantage.
Meaning, the whole person to move out here was to not be alone, to be a part of a family and to help out a friend financially.
I wasn’t allowed to transfer from site to site and explained this to the future roommate, to which she said that I should move anyway. Since I can just help out with the kids and around the house and get a part time job to pay my car and bills.
It took me about 2 months to find a job, and it was a soul crushing one at really low pay, considering what I was used to making. I know the cost of living difference and such, but wow.
When I moved out here I also wasn’t aware of how serious my roommate and the guy she was seeing was, because she didn’t lead me to believe that it was that far advanced. Which basically ended up with the first two weeks out here was “Wooo party, new roommate!” to ” You have no money and therefore are not interesting and I rather hanging out with everyone besides you.”
This also meant that her and her boyfriend would whole up in her bedroom, go out all the time and never ask if I even wanted to join, also it seemed they started hanging out with people and going to places I didn’t care for.
I totally understand the fact that her bf was her center of attention, but I also was starting to feel really alone, and without money my options to go out and explore were limited. Since ya know, gotta buy gas and all.
Then there was the bills, and me running into big financial issues.
My roommate told me that when I got my job, she spoke to her boy toy and said that she was going to allow me that month to catch up on bills as long as I just bought stuff for the house.
Fair enough. Right? Until her ex husband stopped paying child support.
That month of me starting work, my first paycheck, since I was under the impression of that I would buy things for the house, mainly went to groceries. Since she has two little girls and it was a house of four, it mainly was stuff for them. Plus my first check wasn’t that large so it mainly went to the groceries. Which, no one helped me bring into the house, during a hailstorm…
So my next check, I was stoked, I thought I was going to catch up, and then I get a text from a mutual friend. My roommate told this person to text me and to hang out since I had been left alone that weekend.
Come to find out my roommate was now telling other parties that “Gee I hope she comes through with her share of the rent this month. I really need it.”
So, not only does that make me go “WTF?” but also makes me look like a moochy douche. Which I had already felt like, since she wouldn’t let me help with the kids, nor house, and felt like I was a burden and in her way.
So that really hurt, and I had to confront her, since learning that she doesn’t like confrontation. We discussed rent and such and for whatever reason she was under an impression that I was making a lot more money than I actually was. Cost of living difference and all.
So we spoke about her never being around, and not seeming like they wanted me around, to which the boyfriend tried to jump in a few times, but hey sir, sorry, this doesn’t concern you, and you’re lying anyway talking about how you never go out. I can read, I see Facebook and all the stuff you check into. DUH.
But, back to that discussion. I thought we had come to an understanding.
Then things just get weirder and weirder, like Im really not part of the house. Move my things out of the way, push all my stuff to one side or get annoyed if I put things in the fridge. Like how dare i take up room.
Although its ok to watch her kids, or something.
And yes, I am still pretty much housebound because I don’t have money to go out. They too also cry broke, but they have beer funds and go out for hikes and drives. Sorry I’m single and trying to get my life back on track since I completely uprooted it for me and YOU.
Five months. Five months I had been out here, and her and I have hung out only twice by ourselves.
And seems like the only time she actually hunts me down to talk to me is when rent is due. Which is her freaking out about it since
first month: Ex husband isn’t giving child support
second month: its her 6 month anniversary and she’s broke.
third month: Its her bf bday and its an off pay week for her. (also to this, I wasn’t even told they were having a party at the house, nor was I invited)
fourth month: She over drafted her account. This she told me openly.
Now when it comes to rent, its not due until the 1st of the month. She wants it on the third week of the month. Which if we look at September that is the 15th. I have to relinquish my whole paycheck to her on that week and screw myself over because… And she tells me that its to avoid a penalty, of a $5 charge for paying the rent ate.
Now before I moved here, we would talk all the time, and she would always comment on paying the rent late. Since I’ve been here, it was month 3 that she demanded rent to pay it that day, and when i came home she told me she had just worked a 12 hour shift. Which means 6am-6pm, so how did you pay the rent with the bank closed?
Month four, I TOOK her to pay the rent, and guess which day it was? the first of the month. So what she tells me is she likes to pay it a week in advance. I have yet to see that.
Now this month, yes there are some things in which I am to blame for.
Like the cats and me not knowing that one is peeing over a drain in the laundry room. I personally don’t work from home and cannot monitor the ins and outs of things happening at home for 9 hours. I legit thought it was since it was so warm the cat box was just stinky. I never saw any urine, and I at one point thought it was on the rug. Which I scoured and still didn’t find anything. So hence my logic.
Alsoooo, I am assigned to weed pulling duty. If you have seen the yard, its essentially more weeds than anything. Plus in my state of depression, not the greatest excuse and Im not too proud of this attitude, but I honestly didn’t feel like doing all this manual labour, while getting my ass reamed out for early money to cover her overdrafts for a place that didn’t feel like it was my home.
I still have a lot of stuff boxed up, and my belongings are confined to one room. So, I pay one third of the rent, for one fifth of the space.
And when I am concerned about legal issues with my finances, its met with don’t worry.
Im getting ahead of myself, so back to this month.
She’s annoyed, rightly so, of that laundry room. Well shit, if I cant see it, and didn’t know it was happening, what can I fix?
So meanwhile she just stewed and stewed and bitched about me on Facebook, even blocked some of her posts so I cannot see them, yet mutual friends ask me “so is this about you?”
Plus she was upset I didn’t have all her rent by the third week.
Which I once again had to confront her, and I said Im sorry if it seemed like I said I wasn’t giving you rent this month. I am, I just don’t have all of it this week. Which she was pissed about, then I tried to explain that listen, I needed to make a payment to xyz so that I don’t get in trouble. Which she replied that, so they’ll just garnish it from your wages no big deal.
No big deal… So you just want your rent, I get half of my check taken away every pay cycle and left with nothing ot live on after I give you rent… no big deal. That was like a slap in the face. Honestly, please tell me how me asking you to let me pay you before the first so I can make sure Im not screwing my life up is such a horrible thing of me to ask from a friend? Because she was painting the whole Im a horrible person, and shes a victim picture to everyone, as so im told.
So after that we talked about some stuff and she gave me the whole she misses her friend speech. Not like I haven’t been around, and Im not busy, ever… And there’s been effort on my end. So I basically told her, yeah speaking of that, in the whole five months I’ve been here, we’ve hung out twice.
She looks at me blankly and goes quietly “yeah that’s shitty.”
That talk seemed to air out some stuff, but I did tell her that when you stew, and you don’t talk to me, how am I to know whats going on? You not speaking to me due to your fear of confrontation is all on you, not me. You;re causing this.
The talk seemed to kind of help. For now.
Until today when I got smacked with a passive aggressive hit in the face.
Her daughter was being a moody McGee and she told her (and she told me this) just because other people treat me like shit and talk smack about me, doesn’t mean you have to.
In my head I’m like, I don’t talk smack, I just don’t know why everything I do is so wrong and sets you off so much? And since she doesn’t like to talk to me, maybe its just me and I should leave?
Which then brings me to, reaching out to my relatives….
I tried to talk to my cousin, since she lives in a state that a friend of mine said she could get me a decent paying job in, and ask for help until I can get on my own feet. Just a place to sleep and keep the cats, nothing permanent. And when I said I might just show up on her door, she replied well forewarn me when you do because I might want to runaway myself.
I basically am not wanted anywhere, have no place to go and Im so sick to my stomach of trying and failing and disgusted that Im so alone.
I don’t know why I keep trucking, but god, I want to end it all because this pain is getting to be too much for me these days.